True friendships are free of expectations
All of us have certain confines, if not limitations, as regards the extent to which we can back and extend support — in times of dilemma. A friend in need is a friend indeed, all right. Yet, one cannot, as a token of camaraderie, always seek a ‘supportive’ hand, as a given, while being incessantly bogged down with problems. When such a state of catch-22 ensues, it is nothing short of an unwanted invite — for one to wince and keep distance. In other words, activating, or playing, the role of a ‘victim’ is a ‘ticket’ to forestall one’s ubiquitous plea for ‘help’ — a conditioned, but wobbly petition.
Friendships are great. They are complex too. Picture this. It is all right to say, “Let’s be friends.” However, it is uncommon for one to say, in the same breath, “I have a problem, so can we be friends?” Yet, friendships are possible, even when there are a plethora of issues, other than common interests and values, hope and mutual respect. While the mosaic that represents a cardinal rule of friendship — ‘give and take,’ or vice versa — galvanises friendships to the next level, what makes true friendship tick is the power of unmotivated wisdom. Friendships for life are built on ideals that have no expectations — this is not connected to ‘making’ friends, because they are someone with a certain clout.
Good friendships are just as much an outcome of need as validation of life’s innumerable relationship dynamics. What is important for friendships to blossom and last is simplicity in your aspirations when seeking friendships. Despair loves company, or ‘company’ loves ‘despair,’ is a time-honoured idiom — with certain limitations. Remember, despair cannot mend. It can also not take us the distance we may be looking for in the long-term. You need to look at people who corroborate your feelings — only then will intent propel the friendship ‘engine’ for growth. In addition, what makes true friendships last is positivity, or empathising with people who teach and learn from each other, no matter one’s monetary backdrop. When you recognise each other’s unique gifts, which are as distinctive as one’s fingerprints, you attract friends to your fold and vice versa. The less the anticipation, the greater are the returns from robust friendships. It lends solid support in a manner born, too — something, which is just not cultivated with ‘nutrients’ called trust and faith, but also spiritual prudence.
Good friendships are an enormous support network, based on mutual encouragement — the ability to stand on your own in good and bad times. If belief in friendship is a valuable portent, it is also the cornerstone of self-reliance. It ushers in a newfound confidence — of being able to take care of oneself. When you reach such a level, which each one of us should aim for, one can confer support unselfishly. This leads to what is called as the aptitude to be your own best friend. It is like the music of the spheres — with harmonious rhythms.
Friendship is also a challenge — it is a quest to discover what talents and interests you have and what others bring to you in several baskets. Yet, it has its precincts — especially during times when you don’t reach out, or get into a quagmire. Or, when you become lonely in a crisis you deem as insurmountable. Nothing in life is impossible. All it takes is courage to accept and learn to move through tough times, realising that, in everything, there are ups and downs. Remember, a friend is just waiting round the corner — willing to assist you to turn things around.
(The writer is a physician and a
doctorate in philosophical literature)